I was very fortunate growing up on the farm in Southern Ohio. I was the oldest of four children (consequently when I got to high school I tried to get away with the most stuff!), and my mom and dad were both God-fearing, discipline-minded parents who not only taught me right from wrong but also led by example when it came to Christian witness.
My dad never really preached at me much. He never quoted scripture to me or lectured me about morality. In fact both my parents had very high expectations of us kids to live moral lives. And we did - not because our parents told us we might catch some disease if we did not live morally, but because it is the right thing to do. I'm not saying I was perfect. I have not always been a saint! But I am saying that I learned morality and ethics from parents who practiced both. And just for the record, my mom ALWAYS preached to me and CONTINUES to do so at age 81!
Probably as a result of such good influence I always believed that my parents were pretty tough people. Both of them grew up in the country, on farms and with very large families. My dad NEVER took a proper vacation. You NEVER found us jaunting off to Disney World. The only time I got to go to King's Island (an amusement park in Ohio) was with a school or church group.
But my mom and dad worked really hard to make sure we had everything we needed.
And as I said earlier, I thought they both would be around at least for 80-90 years. So when my dad passed away in 1986 I was devastated. He was only 58 years old. I was not prepared to give him up so early in my life. And my mom certainly was not prepared to be a widow at such a young age. But God in God's wisdom took my dad home to be with Him whether we were prepared or not. And really, let's face it who is ever REALLY prepared for death?
So we learned to face life without daddy. Mom sold the farm and moved into Cincinnati and has lived by herself up until about 4 years ago. Then about a year after my dad died, my youngest
brother was killed in a car accident. Again, we were not prepared for this tragedy that rocked our family. Then about a decade later we lost my other brother. He was only 41. I will not go into detail here about all that surrounded his death except to say that he had an addiction.
Life just isn't fair at times.
Then about four or five years ago my sister and I learned that our mom had early on-set Alzheimer's disease. My sister bravely took on the responsibility of caring for our mother and did so gallantly for the past 4+ years. But recently we had to move mom into a long-term care facility because the disease she is plagued with has affected not only her immediate short term memory but her ability to take care of herself. This was one of the toughest decisions that we have ever had to make. And I must admit that I have been mad at God ever since we learned of mom's disease. But the process of getting her into a facility was so incredibly filled with "God moments" that we believe that we have done the right thing. In fact the day she moved she told my sister and I not to worry because she felt "right at home." She actually has a sister who was already a resident of this facility. We have seen God's hand in this very tough decision.
Now I share this intimate story for a couple of reasons. First, for any of you who have loved ones with this hellish disease know that you are not alone. And by the way there are support groups available to help you!
And secondly, don't feel like you're a bad kid by helping your loved one get the care and treatment they need! There are just some things that we cannot do at home that these medical professionals CAN do in a controlled, caring environment. And by the way it does not hurt to shop around a little for the right facility for your loved one. There are many very fine facilities out there but there are some that are not 5-star and tend to give the rest a bad name.
And finally, say some prayers. Pray for your loved one but also pray for your immediate family members (if any) and pray for those people who work in these facilities. It takes a very special kind of heart to accompany your body to work in these places. We are blessed because we have seen the love of Christ in the folks we met in the facility where our mother has now come to call home. Above all, seek the will and purpose of God in any tough family decision. You will find that God is always with you!
The Methmusician
